Miss Abby and all her Stuff.

I have a love/hate relationship with May.

I LOVE the weather improving, flowers blossoming, and the impending signs of my favorite Summer...But, I hate the CRAZINESS that comes along with it.

Abby is a busy, busy, kid. I remember when she was a tiny little 5 lb baby...she just was never still. She hated the swing (too confining), and we had to rock her in a way that may have draped the edges of shaken baby syndrome. Abby was born to go, and hasn't stopped since.

So...due to the fact that Abby is Abby, and I am me...May has mostly consisted of driving, games, and recitals. And...she is not done yet.

Dance Impressions Dance Recital: Abby took a HipHop/Jazz Class at Dance Impressions in Bountiful this year and loved it. She thought her teacher, Hayley, was the coolest person to ever exist because she was a dancer in High School Musical 3 and has met Zac Efron. (I'm not going to lie, I think she's pretty cool too.) Overall, it was definitely the year she has loved the most. She was so cute to watch.

I love this picture, because Abby is telling Blair to "chip-chop" and hurry up with the picture.

Soccer: I am a crazy parent. I don't yell obscenities, but I do yell positive things...the whole game. It usually makes Deakon cry the whole time, which I don't really notice, but everyone else in Kaysville City Limits might. I have to admit though, Ab has really caught on this year and plays awesome. Yesterday, at her last game she stole the ball four times and carried it up the field, stopping just short of scoring each time. After, I asked her why she didn't shoot it, and she said, "my breath just ran out." Blair thought it was a cop-out...

Just Deak, enjoying the game/screaming at the top of his inconsolable lungs.

Abby loves to get in the middle of the piles of kids and steal the ball. She does pretty well at it, but tends to pull a few "Karl Malones" with her elbows.

In the midst of all this, Abby decided she really wanted to try out for competitive cheer leading. I let her, because she has been begging since she could talk (Thanks Maddi). But, I kinda thought the classes wouldn't begin until September (It 2x a week for 2 hours in Bountiful). Nope...it began in MAY. So, she has began cheering on top of her Dance, Ballet, Soccer and Softball. Tee ball and Ballet extend through June, but thank goodness we have made it through Soccer and Dance. Now, she isn't quite sure what to do with her free time, being as she is only involved in 3 activities.

Two Good Mentionables about Abby in May:

*1: She took time out of her crazy schedule to make me this homemade gift on Mother's Day. It was so sincere and sweet of her. I just love it when she is affectionate. Although, she has caught on to that, and is now trying to say things like, "Mom...I love you and you're so pretty. Can I stay up and watch Hannah Montana?"

Ever the manipulator.

*2: We had a MAJOR crisis one evening when her blankie was nowhere to be found. My friend Lisa gave this blanket to us when she was born, and Abby latched herself onto it. It is so tattered and torn, but not a night goes by that she does not sleep with it. It has become even more co-dependant since we took her binky away at oh 3 1/2 maybe...:)
Anyway...Abby had worked herself up into such hysterics that I thought she was going to throw up. She kept saying, "How will I ever live without her?? (Apparently her blanket is female). After a good hour or so of looking, Blair losing patience, and my heart breaking for her, we found it in the backyard on the deck. Apparently Abby had taken it with her to play.

(Swollen red face and her treasured blankie)

This night helped me to see my Abby as the little girl she really is. She is rarely vulnerable or genuinely and non-dramatically upset, and she was truly devastated. Blair thought it was maybe time to take the blanket away, and I disagreed saying that I never will take it from her as long as I live. If Abby wants to take that blanket with her to Medical School to be a "Baby Doctor" she is more than welcome. I will hand deliver it. He didn't argue much about it after that. I doubt he wanted to fight Abby and I together in our crazy hysterical tirades.

Internal Dialogue

I don't know why I'm here right now. I have many cooler things to blog about, like Abby and Deak's recent activities...but instead I'm stuck putting the thoughts I am having down on the screen.

I talk to myself. We all do it, all the time. It's how we learn to regulate our emotions and interact with people effectively. It's relatively healthy, as long as we know the voices we are hearing aren't real, right? I sure hope so.

Random Thought #1

I've recently decided to need to run. I don't know why. I'm not actually sure I can technically get away with calling it running due to the fact that it is pretty much walking. I suck at it, and frankly I kinda hate it. I grew up being told I was slow and ran with an elephant on my back...in a non-sad, real, kind of way. I think the "I'll prove to you what I suck at" mentality comes out in me sometimes, and I have to admit that I do like the way I feel when I'm finished. I feel like I've "stuck" it to the man or something. Whatever.

While running, however, I have the opportunity to think, and seriously I don't think that's really a good thing for me. I already over analyze any piece of information my brain decides to latch itself to. That entrenched tenancy combined with the Jay-z/Tupac influence on the ipod does not produce the most reverent ideas. For example, the other night after running, I let Blair know that I only wanted a third baby when Abby was old enough to take care of it for me - as in like GOOD babysitting age 11/12ish. I really do want another baby, but just not sure I can hold Deak's 26 pounds of butter on one hip while feeding another. Blair was totally down with that idea. So was Abby actually.

Random Thought #2

I am sick of worrying about money. I just don't want to anymore. Blair and I have worked and worked, and tried and tried...and I am so tired. We are in a better position than most of the people in our world, and I refuse to bitch about my string of difficulties concerning money anymore. I have felt strongly lately that it is time (at least for a little while) for me to go back to working full time during the school year. I was recently offered a job at another elementary school, and will be beginning to counsel two schools of kiddos next school year. It wasn't an easy decision; period. Really, is working ever an easy decision? But, it was the right one for my family, and one I will put my heart into. It is not a sad thing; I am lucky to be able to work the same hours as my kids, (being as Deak will be in preschool FOUR days a week next year) and have found two schools who are and will be unbelievable to work with. Many heartfelt feelings have gone into this decision, and I feel hopeful that my family will be taken care of. I just love them too much for them not to be.

Random Thought #3

Sometimes I think parents who have children with specified, researched, special needs are lucky (ie. Downs Syndrome, Turner's Syndrome, Autism). I completely and whole-heartily empathize with their struggles, outcomes, and expectations...but, at least they have a group to belong to. A group of people who can be found in their vicinity. People who can relate and listen and feel for you.

Deak has that with his the Chromosome 18 Registry, but we aren't lucky enough to experience much connectedness with people in our surrounding area. Ring 18 is just so rare. There are only a handful of us who are connected with the Registry. In psychology, we often refer to Maslow's hierarchy of human needs when assessing where our clients/students needs are based. Dr. Maslow has ranked our human need to belong as nearly as important as our primitive based survival needs. We just innately "need" to fit in somewhere. Yes, Deakon is supported and welcomed by all who meet him, but nothing compares to the knowing eye, supportive text, and understanding smile I receive from another parent who has traveled the road Deak and I are on. I also have found that they are the first to offer their service.

We are not given expectations and time lines and weight charts with our Deak. We do not get invited to any special parent groups or activities. He is it. He is paving his own path for his brothers and sisters diagnosed with Ring 18. And, they truly are our family. We love them with as much as we love our own. I have always offered Deakon's medical history to others, and given every freaking resident at Primary Children's (trust me...we've met a lot of students) the opportunity to meet him. I want his face to appear in their minds the next time they hear about a possible diagnosis of Ring 18 Syndrome, and not those awful pictures of precious aborted babies. I want his face to provide hope.

We are not able to go to our conference of chromosome 18 families this year, which has turned out to be a bigger letdown emotionally for me than I expected. That "need" to belong isn't going to get its' annual fill up. It's okay, but I will deeply miss being with my little family and connecting with those who see my Deak as the shining star of our lives. I am so grateful we will be able to go next year.

But, as Frost wrote, and as Deak is doing,...I took the road less traveled by and it has made all the difference.

There's a Party in My Tummy.

In honor of Deak's Third Birthday, we celebrated doing what he does best = EATING.

We had pizza and...

A little bit of DJ Lance. (Don't worry, I made cupcakes for anyone who objected to eating an African-American Head.)
I almost asked the nice young fellow who works at our local Blockbuster to dress up as DJ Lance. Then, I thought I might go to jail.
So, a cake was the best I could do.

I think Abby was just as excited for Deak's birthday as she is her own...such a good sister.

Deak loved every minute and did so well considering the non-nap day he had been put through in the name of "celebration." He loves playing with his friends; it is by far his biggest strength. In the course of the night, I was busy talking/cleaning/doing etc., and my mom noticed the kids had all gone outside to play. She took my Deak outside and let him play with the kids. He was so happy.

The Grandparents...

Cute Cheezers from Cousins.

We gave Deak this car, which he loves driving backwards in.

He looked like such a big boy in his chair from Gpa/Gma Howe.

Eating his loot from the Pinata...

It was such a cool, easygoing evening with friends and family. I hope Deakon loved the night as much as we did. I will celebrate his birth with as much excitement when he is 56. I need this yearly reminder of what my life really should be about...loving...period.

He Definitetly Can.

A decorated door and donuts...Deakon was in Heaven this morning.

Abby worked so hard last night to decorate Deakon's door. Each picture is so specific to things he loves, and it is so full of love from his sister. Deakon can't get enough of the "Brobee" picture. I let Deak eat an entire package of Hostess Glazed donuts for breakfast, thinking he wouldn't actually eat all of them, and he just thought it was awesome. And...he ate all six of them.

Abby had a cute friend over the other night, and they were having a discussion about Deakon's abilities. She and her friend were mentioning the things Deakon could do, and during the course of the conversation, her friend said (in a very innocent and cute way)..."Well, he definitely can't walk yet."

The look of death crossed Abby's face, and she turned to her friend and said, "Well, he definitely CAN walk...just not yet."

I have never been prouder.

So, in the spirit of Abby...Here are the things Deakon definitely can do.

*Deakon loves his favorite shows...LOVES them.

*Deak is learning to answer questions and loves to answer what you ask him.

*Deak loves Hip Hop, and is known to throw fits demanding it is played in the car.

*Deak loves his Kindermusic Class, and has learned how to wait, and play with others.

*Deak loves the camera, and is always ready to pose.

*Deak really loves all food. He'll eat anything. He can feed himself most things, and has become a pro at drinking out of any cup.

*Deak is SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!

* Deak is learning to mimic words, and can say clearly: All gone, Ny-Ny, MaMa, I La Ya, Num Num, More, Uh-Uh/ah, and Oh-Oh.

*Deak has become one of the healthiest kids I know.

*Deak is learning to sing along with songs.

*Deak is learning how to ride push along trikes. He has almost perfected the art of going backwards.

*Deak can point to eyes/mouth/nose on faces.

*Deak is growing up too fast...

I can't believe he's three today; really, THREE years. He is a gift, something I try so hard not to take for granted. He makes my life better, and just makes "you" better by being with him.

I had a cute friend mention to me this week that after seeing him a while ago and talking with him for a minute, she couldn't stop smiling the whole day. She said she needed to see him again.

He just makes you believe.

Happy three years my baby boy...You are so treasured.

Week Loves.

This week I love,
*Deakon's Pediatrician, Dr. Kramer.
This man is solid, and has been there from the beginning of our journey with Deak. Even though we changed insurance companies a year and a half ago, I still pay to see him, because he is that good. Deak had his BIG three year well-child visit this past week and I was excited to show off how well he is doing. Two days later, Dr. Kramer's nurse called just to let me know that they know our insurance doesn't cover his visits (they usually have discounted their rate for me in half), and Dr. Kramer wanted to see him free of charge. FREE! What an amazing man.

*Abby's Mother Day Book she made for me in school.
When she writes she becomes more heartfelt; a side I don't often get to see. What a perceptive little girl. One of the questions she was asked to answer read..."What is most Important to your Mom?" She answered...Me and my bruther. So true.

*My job.
I am grateful to have one. I am so glad I made the choice to go into a field that I love. Hopefully my heartbreak over some of these kids balances out with my ability to help them overcome their challenges.

*My monster of a man, Deak.
He is now beginning to verbally answer questions...constantly, and typically with his one syllable answer of "Ah (Ya.)" He even answers all the questions Diego asks while watching his show. Every once in a while he'll answer you with a VERY distinct and powerful "Uh-Uh," while at the same time flinging his arms and head back and forth. We usually let him win in those situations because we just love that he has used his voice to tell us no.

*Lost.
This show has given Blair and I a chance to spend our limited time available together doing something we both enjoy. Thanks to our friend (who shall remained unnamed...) we are now beginning to watch the current TV season, and are LOVING it. It has been such a great escape, and a chance to forget the crap we have to deal with.

*Friends/Family.
I need you now, and you have come through. It is a little lonely without a husband around to nag, and you have given me an outlet. The lunches, sports, park dates, and exercise outings are what fuels me right now.

*And last, but not least, Blair.
Remember when our life together began? I don't think we imagined a fraction of the things that have happened, happening to us - and that's okay. The ignorant bliss is fun while it lasts, but the companionship that ensues after going through these unexpected turns are better. Man, I need you. Not just your help, but you. I need you to to listen to me whine about the nuances of my day and get really protective when people disappoint me. I love how you love our children, proved in the fact that on your one evening off this week, you chose to take Abby to tee-ball practice, and then play catch with her in the yard afterward. My heart swelled watching through the window.

You Know...

... (a) You're Husband is Working a lot (like 70 hours/week).

...(b) You are exhausted.

...(c) Your toddler has acted like he came from Hell.

...(d) All of the Above.

In my case, all of the above. Sure, I may have gotten several dirty looks from the family of nine, dressed in their BYU gear, enjoying FHE at their local Costco. But, whatever. I didn't care. If he wanted to down my diet coke, I was going to let him. I COULD NOT listen to the whining/animal-like screaming anymore.

So Shoot me.

Yep, that would be Deakon's piece of Pizza. He ate the whole thing (minus the crust) and those pizza slices at Costco are inhumanely large.

I didn't care about that either.

And, if I am being completely honest, the only reason I took the diet coke back was because Deak was hogging it, and I wanted the rest.

A Little Wicked.

My Dad rocks.

He surprised my Mom with Wicked tickets for her birthday last month. The coolest part was that we all got in on the action as well.

What a fabulous play. I know, the rest of the world has already seen it, but I hadn't. I really thought the story was so creative and well-written.

After the play, we went to dinner together and had a blast. It seems we don't often have time (mostly me) to get together with all of us, and it was fun to just hang out, be ourselves, and relax.

Dad, thanks for being so thoughtful. Mom, thanks for your birthday...I think it was well-spent.