If I had a Vampire...

So, truth be told, I am having a pretty heavy day at work. I need a small break, and after this past weekends' mania, this is where my brain went. Call it sick if you will, but it works.

Blair was a trooper and took me to see Twilight this past weekend. I felt he needed to get a taste of the books that took me away from my family for weeks at a time. I am not sure if he was just appeasing me, but he did say he did not HATE the movie, and I
considered that a win.

We got home from the movie around 10:30, and after the kids were secure in bed, I decided I REALLY needed some nachos from 7-11.(Who doesn't need those at 10:30 PM anyway?) Back in the olden days of our marriage, he would've picked his little butt up and made good on my irrational request.

Ummm...not so much anymore. All I got out of him in response was, "Oh."
I then said in return, "Well...if you were Edward you would fly and get some right now."
Blair then said, with eyes not leaving the ever-important newscast of Sportscenter,"I can't fly. Sorry."

Empathy at its' best.

So, of all the things that I could wish for in a vampire husband; My choice would be to have nachos from 7-11 on demand. I'm telling you...yet another sign I am getting old.

Now, my question for you is...What would you want if you had a Vampire Husband?
My bet is that it might be a little better than crusty nachos.

Here it is.

I spent two to three years of my life in love with Jordan Knight. I begged my parents for magazines at Von's and cut out posters depicting various images of Jordan and his high hair. My neighbor, Abbey, and I would sit in her bedroom and listen to our tapes over and over again; memorizing every word to every song. My favorite being, "Cover girl."

I will admit to cheating on Jordan a few times with his band mate Donnie, although those times were short and meaningless. They were most often decisions made in a hurry, when another friend had already "called" Jordan for her own. My heart was always with Jordan.

When my family moved to Utah from California, I was devastated. I was almost eleven years old, and didn't want to leave my friends, kind-of boyfriend J.J. (aah...I can still recall his T&C tee-shirt and shell necklace as if it were yesterday), and life I had behind. As a way to help lesson the blow, soon after we moved to Utah my parents surprised my sister and I with New Kids on the Block concert tickets. We were so excited to watch them at the Marriot Center in Provo.

Now, 18ish years later...my love returned. And like the infamous Celine Dion song..."It was all coming back to me..."

I was twelve years old again, along with hundreds of other scantily clad old women. The proof of age was in the stretch-marked pot-bellies that hung out over every tight pair of Lees jeans in the joint. I was relieved to have worn a jacket to cover my own muffin pack up.

Especially when "It" happened. (aka...the nod.)

That young man there on the right in the above picture is my Jordan.

Near the beginning of the concert, I turned to my friend Tami, and let her know it was my goal to get some sort of special "something" from Jordan. She said, "Okay..." with an undertone of You're smoking something lady.

This is when the "Spirit Fingers/Jazz Hands" emerged....

Due to the fact that the range of dance ability I possess varies from "Tapping the circle step" to doing the "Roger Rabbit"...I was limited in my choices of fancy attention-seeking moves. So, I reverted to wiggling my fingers and screaming at the top of my lungs each time Jordan made his way to my part of the stage.

And then it happened...an opportunity presented itself like a beacon from a cloud:

The girl in front of me sat down to better examine her glow necklaces and possibly re-tie her shirt. Meanwhile, Jordan danced his manly body to my side of the stage and sat down with a clear look at moi. I noticed him looking my way (Although he basically had no choice due to positioning and the fact that we were on the seventh row - but I try not to focus on that detail). His eyes met mine, and I thought to myself, "There is no way this is possible. It is destined." I then did what any respectable adult would do in my situation - I glanced towards him, pointed to myself, and mouthed, "Me?"
All kidding aside people...he then shook his head "Yes."

I felt my heart race and then in a moment of really bad decision making - I did the "Spirit Fingers." I couldn't help it - my arms transformed into a giant uncontrollable wiggle machine that had no off button.

I guess it is suffice to say I didn't get the "Meet me Backstage Later" note I was hoping for after that.

I am pretty sure my partners' in crime (shown above) believed the "Spirit Fingers" part of this story. (Mostly because they have been lucky enough to personally view my dancing repertoire in various locations). I am not so sure they believe the love connection was restored, albeit momentarily, between Jordan and I. I am not so sure you will believe me either.

But, I believe me.

And for five seconds last Saturday night, I was twelve, and Jordan was my boyfriend.

Beat that - Haters.

A Teaser...

Jordan Knight
Spirit Fingers (aka Jazz Hands)
"Covergirl"
The "Nod"

Oh what a night to remember...
Blanks will be filled when I have 5 seconds to upload legitimate proof.

The Auction.

I have no choice but to begin again with the line...
People are good.
People are kind, generous and hopeful, and nights like this past Saturday's night keep me warm.
The Utah Motor Sports Foundation holds an annual silent auction and dinner. This event brings several people, prominent in the racing community of Utah, together to have a good time and help others.
Terry and Mike Nish, two long-time friends of my dad's, gave my family the pleasure of attending and being the first recipient of their Youth Donor Program. They have worked so hard organizing and marketing on behalf of my baby boy, and hoped their efforts would bring in enough money to help cover the costs of Deak's growth hormone treatments for half a year or so (roughly $8000.00).
As Murphey's law would have it, Deak was having a rough time Saturday night. He was a little tired and cranky and refused to stop crying unless everyone around him copied exactly what he was doing with his hands at all times (not kidding). I was a little worried that when they began the auction, he wouldn't show off his cute little disposition for the people who were being so generous with their time and money.
It was soon our turn to walk to the front of the crowd. I grabbed Deak and Ab and hoped Deakon complied (something that his little two year old brain does not always do anymore!)
As if on cue, Deak came back. He saw the crowd of 200ish looking his way and a smile crept across his face. Then the clapping began, which was so thrilling for him, he almost could not control his movements. His little body began squirming in my arms and his pulse began racing. The adrenaline rush triggered the opening of his entire bag of tricks..."Bye-Bye" waves, clapping, and all-sensation encompassing laughter.
The foundation began the auction in a unique way, by asking for donations of the heart, with no material gift given in return.
In about three minutes, they had raised $16,000.
In about ten - close to $30,000.
It was unbelievable.
Deakon can transform a room in seconds. He does it all the time. His eyes are a gateway to the heart of any person he comes in contact with. He restores goodness and faith; with two little hands and a laugh that cures.
This money is truly a blessing. It has been hard for me to accept that this was not something I could fix, and foregoing the treatment for Deakon was not an option. I am indebted to the generousity of this amazing group of people who took it upon themselves to organize and "fix" this for me. I would've never asked, and I know I would've lost my sanity trying to save Deakon's treatment all on my own. Quite honestly, I am still in shock.
This post would not be complete without mentioning my Abby. She understood the depth of this evening, and tried her hardest to be polite, kind, and drama-free. She talked with people whom she had never met and allowed her brother to take center stage for a while; two things that are pretty difficult for a six year old. My biggest worry for her is that she may grow up with some resentment of the attention her brother gets/needs at times. But, she consistently shows that although she is a child who needs and wants attention, she is wise beyond her years - and "gets it." I love her with my whole heart.

Those friends who gave their money Saturday night did not just give us the financial ability to move forward with Deak's treaments. They gave us peace of mind, and hope for our future. They gave us a night to remember and grow from.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.

Loves

So, what is my problem lately?

I don't know, and I don't really want to know.

I am over it.

I am changing gears and spreading the love.

I love...

• A phone call from a sweet woman in my neighborhood. She lost her daughter at the age of eleven, due to a genetic condition, and wanted to say that she "loves me and understands."
  
• Car rides home from dance with Abby - just us. I learn more about her precious life in those 15 minutes, than I do all week.

• The elderly woman who came to me with tears in her eyes today while eating lunch at the mall. She said, "I just couldn't keep my eyes off your son. You are so lucky." She then went on to tell me about her grandson with cerebral palsy. He is 12, tube-fed, and blind.

• The new Quicksilver beanie I bought Deak.

He is such a rockstar.

• My husband for dealing with the craziness and doing the dishes - two things I appreciate more than he knows.

• Playing with Deak. Yesterday he screamed at me from across the room. When I got to him I asked him what he wanted. He held up his toy and handed it to me. I then asked him if he wanted me to play. He replied, "Ah."

• Abby's friends. Whatever guilt I own for Abby's lack of siblings is compensated for by the ample amount of sweet little friends, both at home and at school. They brighten Abby's day, and are always welcome at my home.

• Friends and Family who are generous with their time and love for me. Thank you for the dinners, nights out, lunches and adventures:).

• Sales and Free money. Although I haven't figured out how to get the second one yet.

• My sister and friends who are pregnant. I wish their little babies would come sooner so I could cuddle and kiss them.

So.. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, no more gripes.
(At least for today.)

Fireflies.

I needed something today.
Something to pick me up off my ugly bench of self-loathing.
I wonder why I put myself through days like this. I know better. I know how to change my thoughts which will lead to a change in attitude.
Sometimes it just feels like too much work.
Why stop when I am so good at it?

I started young.
I remember thinking to myself when I was about 10..."Jenny, you have got to stop with the guilt." I was driving with my family in our black cherry van, and was beating myself up about a white lie I had told. I had just begun to really understand the meaning of guilt; and the understanding unfortunately latched itself pretty tightly to my over-analytical, "type A" brain.

I can do better.

I watched Ab outside in our backyard a couple of days ago. She was jumping on our tramp, arms flinging in the air, smile in her eyes, and voice singing. No one could take that moment away from her. She was carefree, relaxed and alive.
How I envied her in that moment.
Not because I would like to turn the clock back and relive my youth; but, because I don't think I have ever really allowed myself to be "without worry."

But, I am going to try.

This song played as I drove Deak downtown today.
The picture of Abby jumping on the tramp entered my mind, and I felt her joy.
So, sappy as it may be - here are the lyrics.
They kind-of saved my butt today.

Fireflies
Faith Hill

Before you met me, I was a fairy Princess.
I caught frogs and called them Prince, and made myself the Queen.
Before you knew me, I traveled 'round the world.
I slept in castles and fell in love
Because I was taught to dream.

I found mayonnaise bottles and poked holes on top, to capture Tinkerbell.
And they were just fireflies to the untrained eye, but I could always tell...

Chorus:
I believe in fairy tales and dreamers dreams, like bed sheet sails
And I believe in Peter Pan and Miracles
Anything I can to get by.
...And fireflies

Before I grew up, I saw you on a cloud.
I could bless myself in your name, and pat you on your wings.
Before I grew up, I heard you Whisper so loud,
"Life is hard, and so is love, child. Believe in all these things"

Chorus:
I believe in fairy tales and dreamer's dream, like bed sheet sails.
And I believe in Peter Pan and Miracles,
Anything I can to get by.
....And Fireflies.

Boo-ya.

I have never said the phrase, "Boo-ya." I actually don't really have any idea what it means. But, for some reason, last night as I was riding home in the backseat of my car thinking about how awesome the University of Utah game was, "Boo-Ya" seemed to be the only phrase adequate enough for the description.

What a freaking game.

Not only was the game quite enjoyable, I got the opportunity to learn a few things about myself:

1. I can eat two hand-dipped corn dogs, not one. I always order one, and then I am still hungry and too lazy to get another. It is quite the vicious cycle.

2. I think Flasks are very pretty. I got the pleasure of viewing a wide array of them, and some look as if they could be worth quite a bit of money. I also think whatever is inside them must keep you really warm, because the couple behind me kept drinking and then shedding "layers."

3. If you yell at the offensive coordinator (yes, I know his name - Andy Ludwig) loud enough and long enough...he still doesn't do his job very well. At one point I turned to the 65ish year old woman next to me and said, "They are going to run it up the middle. I know that, and I know nothing about football." They ran the ball up the middle and it didn't work. Go figure.

4. Funyuns are good. I hadn't had a bag in several years, and they were mighty tasty while sitting in traffic on the way home.

5. I don't typically enjoy listening to Talk Radio, especially sports-related talk radio...but, the drunk-dial calls in after hours after a U win are priceless. Especially when they come from BYU fans.

Here are a couple of pics.

A fun game, with fun men (Blair and my Dad.), and interesting insights.

And the ending gets better...

This could not have been written any better if it were a Hallmark Special.

After therapy at Shriner's this afternoon, Ab, Deak and I came home, and I checked our messages. Abby's teacher had called to let me know that I would find a note in Ab's backpack from "B." She said that after we had come into the class with Deakon, that "B" came to her with eyes full of tears and said,

"Teacher, I think I did something mean."

Abby's teacher said that he said he "felt really bad" and wanted to say he was "sorry." She said she was amazed because this change of heart had come with no adult prompting; she hadn't talked to "B" specifically, nor had she spoken with his mom. Abby's teacher then guided him to writing the following note:

ABby I ym soRe for makeg you feel bod. I wot to be YouR fed. fRom "b"

I asked Abby if she was going to be his friend, and she smiled and said, "Yes!"

What an unbelievable lesson for me to learn. Although this was a little painful in the beginning, I have been taught from these little children in ways I will be forever grateful for. This little Deakon of mine has power beyond his control.

"Pretty Cute"

Abby rocks.

She knows she does, but that's okay. We know it too.

We've spent a lot of time over the past few weeks discussing "B" and the "What if's" and "What can I do next time's"...almost too much time. I think Abby was getting a little tired of me ridding myself of my motherly guilt by having spontaneous chats about differences every five seconds. I truly internalized what everyone had to say about the "B" situation and was so grateful for the outside perceptions. I was so touched with the support shown to our little family, in what was seemingly a simple and small situation. Thank you for your love.

I decided to chat with Abby's teacher, as a friend, and without Abby knowing (she would've been mortified). She was, of course, angry and sad to hear about what was said - and wanted to help in whatever way she could. I told her that Abby was over it now, but my heart still broke at the thought of someone thinking Deakon looked funny. I let her know I was unsure how to handle it, and needed her guidance. Abby's teacher decided to give a general lesson on respect for other people and discussed how it is unkind to comment on other people's drawings and pictures in their classroom books. Abby's teacher later told me that during the middle of this discussion with her class, Abby turned to "B," looked him in the eyes and said out-loud, "That's what he did to me." She said it was hysterical to see his face after being "called-out" and mentioned that he has been much kinder since that moment.

It's funny what a little confrontation does for the soul.

Abby's teacher also had the idea to let Abby bring Deak for Show-and-Tell; she suggested that Abby teach the class about his syndrome and all that Deakon can do. Although I was a little leary (and protective)...Abby thought this was a FANTASTIC idea! She worked really hard, on her own accord, making two posters with pictures of Deakon and magazine clippings of his likes (Basically cars, animals and lots of different foods:)

I will cherish them forever, because they were made with Abby wearing her little heart on her sleeve.

During the course of the presentation, Abby told her class (with some guidance) these things about her brother:

*He pulls her hair when he's mad at her.

*He has some "funny toes" (which she displayed)
*He really, really likes food.

*He can almost crawl and moves on his back good.

*He LOVES Yo Gabba Gabba.

*He loves clapping.

*He can talk lots:)

*Oh, and he has Ring 18. And, we got to go to Texas and Boston to see other families with Ring 18 and "other syndromes' like Deak."

We also had a minor incident when Abby tried to force Deakon to crawl and smashed his face (with the glasses on) into the carpet. But, what's a show-and-tell without a demonstration of reality?

I then asked the class if there were any questions...and one little guy raised his hand,

"Umm... I just think your baby is cute."

Little did he know, his sweet remark reminded me of what I know is true. Deak will have his moments with people of ignorance, but those moments will only come from those who have not had the opportunity to spend a few moments with him. Because, in those moments...countenances change and people understand. Even if the change is as simple as "funny-looking" to "pretty cute."

Good Day.

Today was a good day.

*While at Shriner's today, consulting with Deak's Speech therapist - she mentioned that, "Deakon is an extremely smart boy; a lot smarter than he can express right now." He had just been given a "test" to see what he could understand in expressive language and I must proudly say...got 100%!! I was even surprised at points to see all that he understood and recognized, as he was given words and pictures I have never shown him. I've always known how smart my Deakon is, and I swear I spend half my life trying to prove it to others; so, to have my knowledge validated without prompting, by a professional...was incredibly validating, and brought tears to my eyes.

*Again, at Shriner's, I was in the Cafeteria getting Deak and I some lunch. Deakon did not like that his food was not immediately placed in front of him and proceeded to SCREAM at me from his high-chair 20 feet away. The sweetest elderly man (a "Shriner") came and sat with Deakon and talked with him while I gathered our lunch. When I returned to the table the man (George) turned to me and said, "He is telling me about all his constitutional rights being violated." I said, "Oh, if you only knew." What a kind soul.

*My dad called to let me know that his racing buddies (NISH Motorsports) are honoring Deak in their annual silent auction. They just keep giving and giving...

*I got to vacuum my house with my newly given vacuum and LOVED every minute. (Mostly because I don't think I have really vacuumed my house in over a month, and it is the nicest vacuum I have ever used.)

*I walked into the family room tonight to find Abby sharing her markers with Deakon and teaching him to draw. He was in Heaven.

I am one lucky lady.