A New Eve.

Last year, on Christmas Eve, I spent some time mourning a loss of the life I had envisioned for my baby boy.

It was necessary in that moment to feel that way.
Retrospectively, within those moments much of the grief that was still abiding very deeply inside my heart was able to heal.  Although I do not credit myself entirely with the awakening that began in that time, I am very proud of the place I've come in terms of Deak and how his journey will be here, with us. 

I am okay.

I am okay with where he goes and what he does.

I am okay, as long as he is happy.
More accurately, I am loving every single moment of his happy.

I had a friend a few years ago, who traveled the special needs road with her own son a couple years before me.  She and I were discussing our feelings on "mainstreaming" vs. specialized service classrooms. At the time I had VERY strong feelings about what Deakon's school picture needed to "look" like in order for him to be successful.  She listened and said, "You know, as long as Rems is happy, I am okay with whatever."

I thought she was crazy; I didn't understand why she wouldn't want to push and push to get her son as "normalized" as possible.

Sometime earlier this year, I had a conversation with her about this discussion we had had a few years ago.

I told her that although I pretended to be nice, I thought she was nuts.
But, not now.
Now, I get it.

She laughed in a I knew you'd eventually get here with me kind of way.

Happy is what's important.

Not skill sets, or developmental levels, or IQ scores.

Happy.

Does that mean I will not provide every opportunity within my reach for Deakon to achieve his highest potential?

Absolutely not.

I am just okay with the journey, and the length of time he needs to get there.

I am okay, because I get this:

And this boy LOVED Christmas.

Abby is an over-achiever in all areas, excitement at Christmastime being no exception.

She FEELS the Season.

So much so, that a phone call to the pediatrician and a dose of Melatonin each night has become necessary for all of our survival.

This year was a little different for her.  We did not have our own house, our decorations that she has grown up with were tightly sealed in the mad chaos of a disaster we like to call a storage unit, and she had to share the Christmas morning spotlight with a few more.  On the other hand, she got to spend the most awesome night/morning of the year with her Grandparents and Maddi, and that was extra special for her. 

In fact, I think Santa did a little over-compensating for this year of changes in the toy delivery department.

A few extra toys can add oodles to one's aptitude for resiliency.

Christmas Eve was spent eating dinner at Texas Roadhouse, listening to Grandpa Payne read from Luke,

opening a new Christmas book and gift from Grandma Payne,

and Christmas pajamas.

Cookies, milk and a little something extra were left for Santa to enjoy.

A wonderful beginning to a wonderful day; celebrating the birth of a boy without whom I would not be able to experience my little family's realm of happiness.
And...happy, we are.
(Mostly:)

Santa, Baby.

We are pretty stoked over here for the big night.

Thank goodness for Melatonin.

This is it.

This shall go down as the first year I have not sent Christmas cards since Ab was born.

I really love keeping in touch with friends and family, but something had to give this month...and the card was it.

So, an ecard via blogging it is:

In case you were wondering, I literally took around 46 pictures of these two crazy people.

Forty.Six.

And, this is just about the only one that turned out.

They sure are cute crazy people.

2010 for the Howe's:

Deak:  Crawling, eating, signing, eating, Heaven-sent preschool teachers, eating, Yo Gabba Gabba and most recently Dora, eating, walking lots and lots in his little green walker and eating.

Abby:  Cheer, major tumbling (she's up to round off triple back handsprings on the mat), soccer, friends, 100% over achiever academically, kind-hearted wise cracking and a not sleeping.

Jen:  Fancy machine imaging systems, work at work, work at home, TiVo, loving on her babies and not sleeping (see above).

Blair:  Work, Ute Football, Broncos Football, Jazz Basketball, Lakers Basketball (Boo) , supporter of Jen,  avid Deak flipper and quite frankly...sleeping rather well (so well that he even "sleeps" when he is watching Deak...let's just say I came home to a very naked child who had stripped himself and was kneeling in front of the big screen alone watching Dora for who knows how long.)



We hope your year was filled with a much crazy happiness as ours.

We love you,

Blair, Jen, Abby and Deak

Christmas, Christmas and Christmas.

It's an exhausting season, right?

I think that is partly why I love it, though I do feel as if I've been hit by a mack truck at the end of some days.

I am thankful for its' message and opportunities to spend time with family and friends, but am somewhat relieved to feel a little less hectic when it is over.

(Although, for some warped reason I do feel a bit of a let down after).

Regardless of my feelings, this season has provided some great picture taking material.

Festival of Trees Encore.

Santa stopped by unexpectedly after we made Gingerbread house, and coincidentally (or not) right after the girls had "emailed" him.



 (Pants are always optional).

We finally were able to slow down long enough to spend some time decorating the tree (or more accurately...watching Ab, Maddi and my mom decorating the tree).

Love it all.

Love how this crazy, busy insane season likes to force us to focus on spending time together.

Festival of Trees, Tree #2

Abby's third grade class (and all the other third grade classes in her school), rallied together to create a tree for one of their classmates, Aumberlee, who has been battling Leukemia this past year.

Cute Aumberlee chose the theme of Pink and Puppies, and all the students got to participate by making some of the ornaments which adorned the branches.

The third grade classes also worked very hard on a Christmas Choir Program which they performed at the Festival of Trees during the week.

It was darling.

Such a neat experience; grounding all these kids together by serving one of their own.

I got to go with Abby's class while they performed at the Festival of Trees, and Abby got the opportunity of showing many of her classmates the tree she had worked so hard decorating for her brother. 

It was double awesome in her book.

I'm fairly certain this year will go down in the memory books for Ab for several different reasons.  This festival and both trees she experienced being a couple of them.

The opportunity to serve and think of others' is a gift that when given to us, we should latch onto and appreciate...and I need to keep that idea as close to the surface as possible.

(Cute Ab and Elle)
I am thankful that the teachers in Abby's grade provided this opportunity for my daughter and her friends. It will forever impact their lives, and hopefully it will permeate the way they think about this Holiday season for a long time.

Smile.

If this doesn't make you smile, I'm not sure what will.

Deak and his school bff, Indy, sure love each other.

It's a classic boy/girl relationship; Deak does crazy things like dancing while eating his snack...and Indy giggles and thinks he's so funny.

It is absolutely endearing.

Endearing all the way through to your soul.

Indy and Deak are connected with funky chromosomal changes (his the 18th and a ring, hers the 13th and a little bit extra), but I have a strong suspicion they would've found each other one way or another on this Earth.  Yesterday while I visited the classroom, Deakon's teacher even suggested that we (the mom's) exchange phone numbers so the two can have play dates.

Wow, play dates.

Now...that is an awesome, unexpected miracle.

Lucky me, I get those kind of miracles all the time.

Guess those funky chromosomes are worth a lot more than the world may think.

Speaking of Deak, he is amazing.

I've purposefully stopped creating lists of what he can/cannot do, because that's not what his experience is about. 

It took me a while to realize that. 

I do have to say that he is doing so well.

He is progressing steadily in his new private physical therapy (going from his knees to standing with minimal support...yay!!!), he is progressing with his infinite ways of communicating (signing being the fave for the moment, we especially love, "Touchdown"), and (knock on wood) he has not missed more than one day of school due to illness this entire first half of the year.

Miracles indeed.

I'm lucky to have his miracles by my side forever.

Football Season

Love our Utah Season Football tickets.

Love.Them.

We have chosen to spend what little extra money we have had the past couple of years buying these tickets, and we are more than happy we have.

Awesome Memories.

(Except the TCU game, that one sucked big time this year).

 Ab actually decided to use her ticket a couple of times, which we have loved.

She even braved the poncho weather for a good two hours during one game.

Blair was proud.

Oh, this hat.

It could tell a thousand tales, I am sure.

It belongs to a man, who may or may not be leading a double life.

Let's just say...when you sit behind someone for three years, and they "appear" to bring a certain mysterious woman on occasion...you may begin to question fidelity.

(I glared him down pretty hardcore the following game; he didn't care.)

We are super stoked about the Ute's new conference and look forward to getting/recruiting half decent quarterbacks in the future.

(Seriously cannot stand Jordan Wynn.)