Patient Perserverance.

This isn't my line, but I like it.

I heard it today while attempting to attend church husband-less (due to work). I had been dealing with a screaming, then sleeping Deak for most of my time that was supposed to spent renewing my hope and faith in God. My muscles ached, my forehead dripped of sweat, I really needed a diet coke, and my stomach growling was beginning to resemble a bobcat I once heard in a Diego episode. And, I was kinda tired - having not quite fully recovered from a 3:30 am party with the Deakster on Friday night/Sat morning. (Who knew he wanted fruit snacks, applesauce and Noggin? It took me a while to figure it out...)

I was finally able to drop Deakon off in his nursery class for the last little while, and I was relishing the few minutes I had to relax and listen. I listened to a lesson on Hope. Something I think I have come to understand pretty well over the past few years. Something, as I often say, I could not have a sane mind without. The woman who taught mentioned that Hope came after one patiently persevered during times of sadness and despair.

I took a slow deep breath and silently acknowledged my understanding. An understanding of the conscious choice one has to make in order to have Hope in their lives. You can choose to be sad, or you can choose to move forward with Hope.

Lately, I have noticed myself somewhat subconsciously being drawn to cute little toddler boys. Little guys who are close to Deak's chronological age. I relish in their cute little waddly legs trying to climb and balance, and I envy their ability to make the "Vroom" noises when they push their trucks around the living room floor. I hear them say "Thank you" and "Ball" and watch their parents buying undies with Thomas the Train at Target as they begin potty training. Sometimes it's just those little things...the ones I took for granted as Abby grew and explored at that age...the little things that can make my heart hurt.

I know Deak will get to do those things as well....just in a while. And that "while" may take longer than I may have originally anticipated. My hope just requires patience, and may come gift wrapped with ankle braces, walkers, and rap music. Patience as I watch my angel boy persevere - Because I do know he will persevere.

(Taken at 4:00 am...might I add...)