Roll the Dice.

Parenting is such a crap shoot, don't you think?
Sometimes I roll big and win, and sometimes I roll a seven and lose it all.

I get the opportunity professionally, to see parents interact and discipline their children very frequently. I see parents in vulnerable positions, hearts on their sleeves, ready and willing to do anything to help their children. Unfortunately I also see the opposite; parents who are too self-absorbed to see past their own needs and into their babies' eyes. As much as I disagree with the latter, I try my hardest not to judge. Heaven knows I've been too self-absorbed/lazy to be a parent more often than I'd like to remember. I can only hope my children will be more forgiving of me than I am of myself.

Abby is only six, and in these few years, that have seemed to zip past me, it's hard to even remember a time without her. I've been both types of parents: overindulgent and self-absorbed, but hopefully most of the time...somewhere in the middle. I know that she knows she's loved and important, and feels confident (sometimes too confident) enough to express her feelings and needs to us. I guess that's all I can hope for.

Today, I got to help with her class Valentine party; and Deakon wasn't invited. Her eyes lit up when I walked into the room, and my heart smiled. She even hugged me. She is so proud that I get to be the counselor at her school, it is one of the only things she freely compliments me of, and loves that all her classmates know my name. Compliments and tokens of appreciation coming from anyone else are lovely, but nothing beats the bright green eyes and half smile of my little girl. Those moments are the ones I just want to keep fresh. I want them right in front of my brain the next time I am tempted to lose it, the next time I think it is easier to give in rather than give up. Nothing is worth more to me than my relationship with my children and husband.

Abby was particularly helpful and sweet today; she mopped floors, dusted railings, fed her brother, and made his day by playing with him. She also spoke gently, discussed who the Bachelor kicked off with me, and learned how to cross the monkey bars (a HUGE fear) this past week. So, maybe that is why I am feeling somewhat compelled to love on her a bit tonight. I don't know, either way, I just want to keep my moments with her today and this week from going stale.