Balance and Peace.

I began graduate school about six weeks after giving birth to my beautiful Abby.
She was so tiny.
I was so scared.
I worried that the life plan I was following was not in alignment with what appeared at the time to be every single other woman's plan. 
I worked full time as well, for the Department of Youth Corrections; a job that demanded a lot of emotional and physical energy. 

And so began my balancing act of wife, mommy, full time employee, counselor and grad student.

We all survived. In fact, when I look back to those years, I only remember the good stuff:
...the way Abby crawled on all fours with her bum in the air while in dresses...
...her first word, "Hi"...
...the way we had to rock her to sleep as if we were inside a mosh pit at Salt Air...
...the love that grew for those students I worked with within the school-district's "At-Risk" program (I left a piece of my heart there)....
...the way Abby would lie on Blair's stomach while they watched "Jay Jay the Jet Plane" together at Midnight...
...our first "friends with kids"...

Not much has changed in the past 9 years, with the exception of becoming a mommy x2 to a special little Ring dude, and graduating with my Masters Degree.

It's just basically life.
It requires balance.
Some days my scale is jacked up, teetering heavily on one side versus the other...
But really, most of the time it evens itself out.

Lately, I've had some experiences professionally that have touched my heart so deeply, that it's as if the student's purpose is divinely connected to figuring out my own purpose.
You know, one of those, "Yep, this all makes sense" types of experiences.
I just love that student.

There is so much power to be found once you have recognized your purpose.  Culturally, it is often defined solely as motherhood...and without a doubt I agree that first and foremost, much of my purpose lies within their little souls.
But, I think we are capable of more.
Not that it is necessary, but I feel it is achievable.
I feel such gratitude for the choice I made, as difficult as it was, to receive an education in an area that does not necessarily scream "wealth," but fills my soul with the kinds of riches that I can't receive elsewhere. I feel so immensely grateful that I love my job.

I feel grateful that I am able to help offset some of our life's little financial surprises (ahem..ahem...Deak).
I feel grateful that I have a little girl who, when playing house with her friends, leaves for short periods of time to "meetings" and comes back to her playhouse a happy mother.
I feel grateful for a little girl who aspires to obtain higher education and feels confident in the fact she will be able to do so...because she's watched it happen before.
I feel grateful that when contemplating aloud the idea of accepting a job teaching graduate school for four hours a week, my sweet Abby gives me her little one-eyed look and says "Mom. You should totally do it."

I just feel grateful.

So, my little internal scale, may look a little shifted to some...but, to me...it's just right.
I am finally at peace with that.

Does that mean the balancing act disappears?
Never.
But, I've found my juggling skills are a hell of a lot better when my footing is solid and my heart is at peace.