Fear.

I am afraid of many things, and I always have been. My little sister was always much braver, and I kind-of vicariously lived through some of the things she did; wishing so badly I could do them, but not able to take control of my own thoughts.

I vividly remember being afraid of nuclear attacks during the cold war in elementary school. Afraid to the point that I wouldn't sleep at night; and began feeling sick at school during the day. I am deeply afraid of heights, so much so, that if I even see someone on TV doing something near a ledge, my knees shake. I am afraid of scary movies and never watch them. In fact, last night I debated whether or not to continue watching the Lost DVDs we rented, because the episodes were haunting me after they were over (I am also afraid of flying).

On a different level, I have other, more significant fears...

I fear rejection.

I fear failure.

I fear being a bad mother.

But, I don't think I am alone.

It is human nature to want acceptance and love; it is as basic of a need as food and shelter. We may survive with out it for a while, but not well. Professionally, I understand this concept - but personally, I have days where I allow my fears to take control. I have to make a conscious choice to change my thinking and make choices that are based on fact...not assumption or fear.

I watched today how incredible human nature can be when we allow our strength to overcome our fears.

I held my thumb and pointer finger in a circle around Deakon's tiny little arms, and I felt him shake from his core. He is trying so hard to stand without something in front of him, but he is terrified of falling. His sweet voice that usually radiates joy, quivered in uneasiness as I tried to get him to feel comfortable. He is unsure of his strength, and he doesn't want to fail.

It is human Nature.

As I gently touched his body, his body that is getting stronger, but not yet strong enough, I watched him take one step forward to the couch. His safe spot.

That sense of peace was motivation enough to move forward.

That was his first step...on his own, without prompting.

If fear is the antecedent to change...then I am hopeful I will too begin moving forward one day, like Deak, to my safe spot.