Highs and Lows.

Life is full of them. 
(At least that is what I keep trying to say to myself.)
When I went into the field of psychology ten or so years ago, I began working with youth who were involved in the secure care correctional system.  I co-lead a group for youth recovering from serious drug and alcohol problems, and we always began by sharing a high and a low for the week.  Although it sounds simple, it can be a pretty powerful technique for kids who are not typically used to looking for anything positive in their lives.  Sometimes the high was quite simply, Being Alive.
I've continued to use the exercise as an ice-breaker in the groups I run with elementary students, and have been overjoyed at the weeks I have to stop them from sharing too many highs. It makes me happy to remember times when the "Highs" way outnumbered the lows.

I've put off posting/talking/etc...because I don't want to sound negative.  I don't want to feel negative. I am working really hard at focusing on my highs (of which there are an abundant amount) and choosing to let the negative simmer quietly inside my heart.  So, in doing this post, before discussing anything stressful, I am choosing to list a high first.  I'm hopeful it will help my heart and evil irrational brain process life a little more clearly.

High:
Abby rocks. 
She just does. She conquered her back handspring on the mat at cheer with no spot, and has re-entered her role as flyer (which scares the living daylight out of her mother).  She has spent hours in preparation for Deak's upcoming birthday and has already bought (with her own money) and wrapped his gifts (They are currently in position on the fireplace).  She made me a card on Monday that said, "You are a nice mom."  It made me cry.  Many of you may get these types of notes often from your kiddos, but Ab chooses not to overuse emotional sentiments...so I knew this was from her heart. 

Low:
There are not enough hours in the day. 
Between work, doctors appointments and driving, I barely have time to breath and pee. I have such good intentions and try so hard to be over-ambitious and accomplish 510 things...but, it's so not working out.  I just can't do it all.

High:
Mother's intuition is real.
Listen to it. It will never, ever, fail you.

Low:
Mother's intuition sometimes leads to stressful consequences.
We have been presented with a new Deak issue.  Last week, something was "off" about him. He wasn't terribly sick, but he wasn't himself; his eyes began showing some strange neurological signs (nystagmus) that haven't appeared since he was a newborn, and he was just very tired. After five or so days of waiting and "watching" I decided to take him to our pediatrician on Monday. 

High:
Our pediatrician is sent from Heaven.
He is kind, gentle, generous and extremely thorough - especially with Deak.

Low:
Thorough typically means tests and eventual results.
Poor Deak.  His veins are terrible and tiny.  Our doctor, whom I love as if he were family, chooses to draw blood from the veins in his skull....and it is just horrific to watch.  There are less nerve endings in the head, than in the arm or hand - but it looks just as awful as it sounds, and it sure as hell doesn't feel good. Deak has now had to have blood drawn four times this week (from his head), and the last one has left me with blood on my hands, and countless kicks to my stomach. This has been the only time I've had to peel Deak off me, screaming and yelling for me...and the only time I've teared up on a blood draw to date.
It killed me.
I tried to tell Deak how strong and brave he was as I held him on the way out to the car.
I didn't make it.

High:
Of all the organs, I've decided the liver is the most expendable.
(I wouldn't call this a medical fact.)

Low:
The liver can still cause some problems.
We've discovered Deak's liver enzymes (both types) are extremely high.
By extremely high, I actually mean this:
Normal 10-48
Deak 1100 and 1200 respectively.
The doctor and nurse have said they have never seen a level that high in their career.
Dang Deak and his over achieving odds.
As of now, we do not know why...more tests are being ran...and ran...and ran...
But, we know it's not Mono or any of the Hepatitis's.
Which is good.
The levels have been re-tested today in the slim hope that possibly the lab made an error, and to see if there have been any change in two days, but sadly our doctor and I both know this is most likely not the case.
So...the search is on to discover why Deak's little ring chromosome has decided to make an appearance in his liver.

...and that is all for now. My list of highs/lows could go on a bit more...but, I'm trying to focus on one stress-inducing event at a time. 
It's all about balance, right?