So, ironically enough, I felt like I've had "it" together lately (whatever the hell "it" is).
You know I've...
worked my 40 hours.
played Taxi-Cab mom.
made dinner nearly every night (real dinners, not even canned chili and Frito's).
done Homework.
went to Back to School Night.
scheduled new therapists at Shriners for Deak (for free, Yay!)
attempted to budget by not buying lunch ever (which includes starving some days).
made cookies, and pies and breadsticks...the domestic stuff that makes me feel like I fit in with the local culture.
taken the kids to do fun things and even planned a little get-together for Blair's Birthday.
I really have done my best to "do it all."
I can do it all.
But, still.
I am missing something.
I feel helpless today.
And, for me...there is no feeling in the entire universe that makes me feel worse.
I just want to be a good mom. Honestly. That's it.
I want to be good at all the other stuff too, but it just doesn't matter as much.
Today...I feel like crap.
Crap.
Period.
3 comments:
Jenny, I say this with the love that only a cyber-friend can have..."SNAP OUT OF IT! You're making the rest of us look bad!" :-)
Work, dinner, school, baked goods and therapy?! Are you kidding?! If Dave wants a hot dinner, he makes toast and I don't feel guilty about it. I served my family bakery pizza and an ice cream cake for my mother's birthday because that was about all I could muster...really and truly, you HAVE to know that you're an excellent Mom and shouldn't doubt that for a nano-second.
But, if you're feeling like you need a little something to do...we have a basket a laundry that needs folding. ;-)
You're the best...hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Thanks Jenny, for your post.
But please stop excoriating yourself.
I read your story, and it reads like the story of A Good Mum, even if you do feel like crap today. Honestly, really.
We, of the parents with Special Kids variety, occasionally do an excellent job at doubting our capacity to be 'good.'
I say we are good. You are good.
What else would you be doing, other than living the life of love for your children, husband, family, no matter what?
You are A Good Mum.
All the best
Richard
We all have crap days-and if those are yours, I'm extremely jealous!! Mine consist of lying in bed all day, watching re-runs of Criminal Minds and ordering pizza for the kids-which btw I pay for online so I never even have to leave the bed to answer the door.
We all get crap days. But you are by no means a crap Mom-you are fabulous, and wonderful and funny and beautiful and I love sharing your life thru the internet.
Makes me feel not so alone in this crazy Ch18 life...
love and hugs, lots of love and hugs!
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