Unexpected Plans.

I really, really, really like things to be planned, and organized and then perfectly executed.

It makes me feel safe and calm and at peace; much like the way coming home from work and cleaning the kitchen or throwing in a load of laundry prepares my mental state for the evening.

Neurotic, maybe.

But, it's always been me.

Ha.

To say the least, I've had a little dose of life, mostly appearing in the form of a couple of cute little blue eyed babies. This, among other things, awakened me to the realization that as much as I really, really, really like control, it is never, ever, ever in a bazillion years going to be my reality.

Like ever.

The funny thing about life is that, "always" in reference to our comfort zone, is a recipe for disaster. It's like wearing a sign on your back asking the big guy to test out that "always" thing and see if you can handle a little change. 

"Come Get Me," it reads in bold print, "Things are really comfortable for me right now, and I could use a little zinger to the thigh." 

This change often comes in ways we may not always welcome or understand, sometimes for years, but it is change that in hindsight always shares volumes of wisdom.

Unexpected plans, and how we choose to handle them, ultimately define who we will become.

These past few weeks have allowed me several moments of reflection on these moments of defining change in my life.  As evident through this blog, I have had many, many days where I've questioned my sanity, let alone a purpose in the pain I or my family was experiencing.  But, it's as if this week I've had that magic "light bulb" turned on inside my being, and I've finally recognized that the clarity this "light bulb" brings does not come from me. 

It comes from something much brighter.

I've had conversations with my husband this week, where we have dissected nearly each "changing" experience we've encountered these eleven years together.  All of them, every single one, has played a role in every moment of joy we are experiencing today.  I can say with certainty, that I know we are where we are destined to be.  Is it optimal?  No.  Is it uncomfortable at times?  Absolutely. 

But, it is the definition of us.

And, surprise, surprise...I'm not the one in control. 

There is a plan and a purpose to each change we encounter in our life.  Choosing to withdraw your personal army of defense mechanisms is not easy.  It requires trust and an acceptance that we may not always have all the answers exactly when we want them.

But, I promise, the answers do come.

And, when they do, the peace that they accompany, beats a sparkling granite countertop any day.