In Between.

I remember little pieces of third grade.

Mostly, I remember that I loved my teacher, Mrs. When. I also remember I was in her husband's "group" on our school field trip to Sea World, and he allowed us to sneak into the cool non-educational shows, like "City Streets."

I also remember she got really mad at him.

It makes me laugh now...

My Abby is in third grade this year, and what a year it has been. 

She amazes me daily; sometimes with her amazing level of maturity and wit...and sometimes with her amazing ability to frustrate me down to my core.

She is good at that.

This past weekend we went to see the Justin Bieber movie with some friends and Ab was thrilled.

She had been persistent in her denial of noticing the cuteness of this boy, and had firmly stated that she "only liked his music."

That magical hair flip must have changed something deep down inside her after seeing the movie, because the portion of my weekend that did not consist of Abby walking around with her ipod earphones in, most literally consisted of conversations that sounded a lot like this:

Abby: "Mom, remember that part in the movie..."

Giggle, Giggle, Giggle...

Abby:  "Mom, I don't think Justin Bieber's cute...hehehehehehehehehehe"

...enter flushed cheeks and bright smiling eyes...

Blair kept flashing me this look that very distinctly said, "What in the hell is happening?"

On Sunday morning, I went into Abby's room and discovered that she had found a poster of JB somewhere in Maddi's room and had proceeded to tack it into her wall, right next to her cheer pictures, and in a direct eye-shot from her pillow.  I noticed, without mentioning anything to her.  I want her to feel comfortable to express who she is and what she is feeling...and her room is her chance to do so.

But, my heart stood still. 

I looked around her room.

I saw her American Girl dolls perfectly posed and ready for a meal at their table; her pet shop and squinkies organized in piles.

I then noticed her expanding pile of "chapter books" on her desk, framed pictures of her cheer leading escapades, and a pair of too expensive jeans on her floor.

I had to leave the room, as tears began to well in my eyes.

This little girl is not so little.

She is entering new stages, having new feelings, and trying her best to understand what in the world it all means.

Sometimes she wants to be 16, and sometimes she wants to be 4. 

She is stuck in between two worlds and doing her best to rummage through them.

I have felt the need to soak up this moment with her this week.  I've wanted to support her and love her and show her this new stage of "boy poster stuff" was okay and nothing to be embarrassed about.  We went to frozen yogurt and Target together on Tuesday with the premise of buying a new pair of shorts for our upcoming trip with her cheer team. 

Really, I just needed the time alone with her.

She told me how she had stood up for herself at recess and acknowledged her liking of Justin Bieber to her friends, one in particular who believes it is very uncool for anyone to disagree with her on anything. Abby was proud of the fact that she stood up for herself and did not regret it.

I am proud I have a raised a daughter with the courage to do so.

We played Ab's ipod, rocked out to "Baby" and had a wonderful time.

She even held my hand as we bought her first Justin Bieber t-shirt.

In between, she is.

In between, I wish she'd stay forever.