Chapter One - Pretty Red Shoes.

There was this guy.

THE guy.

The guy who made my heart stop in a way that I thought I just may actually die.

The guy who I had seen just once or twice before at a few group gatherings with mutual friends. Always only partly there, preferring to sit on the sidelines and let his buddy be the center of attention.

I made sure this guy was a part of my day.

...Way before he even knew it...

Stopping to get $2 worth of gas - every.single.day.

Fountain drinks and candy stops were another easy shield, heaven knows I don't go a day without either of those.

Sometimes I took a group of my guy friends with me, on purpose.  I had to throw a little "hard to get" into the mix, especially considering that I was bordering on the verge of desperate crazy stalker with as often as I appeared around the joint. Sometimes I took my girl friends with me. They would always try to force me inside the building, you know, actually try to "talk" to this guy who had siphoned his way into my daily stream of thought processing.

I always resisted.

I never thought for one second he would be interested in me.

I was in my last year of College, recently re-enrolled at Weber State University.

My best friend had just left for Utah State, and I was on my own.

I was in a good place. 

But, man...getting to that place had involved a whole lot of barefoot walking.
And, trust me...those bare feet were walking on some pretty nasty trails.

I had been in love before; a love that fueled my co-dependant, daughter of a recovering alcoholic fire.

The coals of that love had finally simmered to a point where I allowed myself to step away, outside of the smoke, and receive insight as to the person I could actually attempt to be -all.by.myself.

Once the smoke cleared, I began to recognize that I had missed out on some pretty awesome sight-seeing.

So, I explored; explored the values that had been etched inside of me, and began a path of figuring out if they were worth keeping around.  It wasn't long before I realized they were there to stay.

I was actually dating, which really was a first for me. I had a few pretty terrible experiences my first two years in High School, and then spent the last year attached and exclusive.

I was feeling confident; making new friends in classes, giving phone numbers away to guys whom I never dreamed would ever in a million years ask. 

It was new terrain, and this time I wore shoes.
Pretty red ones.

I ate lunch on campus every day with a good friend at the time, who happened to be a guy.

We began getting to know a few others in the cafeteria and a lunch group semi-formed.

One day, during the course of lunch conversation and small talk, we began giving my friend a hard time about a girl. He always went to the same Zions Bank to see a particular teller, but never dared to ask her name, and certainly not her number.  As the conversation deepened, and I sensed my friend getting more uncomfortable, I loyally interjected,"Hey...it's not that bad. I do that too. Everyone does.  I stop and see the guy at Chevron and put $2 worth of gas in my car all the time."

Silence.

"Wait...who do you see?" 

A voice from a person who I had only recently gotten to know through this lunch group, spoke up.

Crap.

My friend told him, because he knew - I had made him take me there to see him.

(So much for loyalty.)

"Really? I know him, like really well. He is my friend's brother's best friend. I see him all the time."

Double.Crap.

"I'm going to talk to him tonight.  He has a girlfriend, but no one likes her."

(I still don't like her)
I had to make a scene and throw a pretend fit about this guy at our table saying something, but let's get real...

I really did want the guy to know.

I wanted him to know, but I was absolutely certain it was going to lead to absolutely nothing.
 "Chevron Guy" would not be interested (he did have a girlfriend) and I would have to buy gas 20 miles away for the rest of my life.

Oh ya, and the fact that I had boyfriend/missionary/guy who had just sent me pictures of rings to choose from, didn't make things any less complicated.
But, maybe...just maybe...Chevron Guy would actually care.

I was beginning to discover this new place of scenic independence could be quite interesting.

*Disclaimer: I've felt like I wanted to do this for some time...not with the intention to really share my love story with the world ...but, to share it with my kids.
One day when my girl is grown up and in love, I want her to know that I was too.  
...that amidst the meals, and moves and taking care of life...her dad and I were/are in
 love. 
Even though love grows to take different forms over the years, our love began like this.  Probably a lot like her love will, and probably a lot like many of your loves began as well.
I know that I can write this in several other formats, but I also know that doing so would most likely prevent me from sharing these thoughts with the one guy who may actually want to hear them.  The guy I married :) So, yes, this is personal...but, sharing personal stuff is kinda who I am.