The party that only had one eye.

One eye, tall and friendly.

Otherwise known as Muno.

Deak had a great birthday party.

We ventured out to our local fun center for bowling with family and Deak's best Chromosome 18 buddy.

The girls (Ab and I...Alisha and Emarie)

I love how Em always is giving Deak a "What in the world are you doing?" look.

Thank goodness for my sister, or I would not have any pictures of anyone but Deak.

We decided Deak would like riding in the race cars, which he did...until a lame giant teenage boy, in true teenage form, decided to ram full speed into the back of Deak and Blair's car.

Now...if he would've apologized...no brawl would've ensued.

But, he LAUGHED!

Really.

Blair was "just a little bit" fired up.

(And maybe me, and maybe my mom too).

In hindsight, we probably should've let it go.

But, when you're holding a screaming, hurt child and someone else thinks it's funny...emotional stability is not a priority.

Deak eventually recovered and I think Blair scared the life out of the six foot tall, ignorant teenager.

Deak and Blair went on the boats to literally and figuratively "cool off."

Deak loved the boats and loved the little boy who chased them around the entire time and sprayed water.

After all the excitement, we headed back to our house for pizza, presents and cupcakes.

Overall...the party was about four hours long.

Not nearly long enough to celebrate the life of the boy who brings more joy into my world than I previously knew possible.

I can't imagine my life without him or his sister; Ring 18 and all.

The Soccer Queen.

When Ab loves and wants something, she is willing to work super hard.

Soccer is no exception.

Ab also loves to win. Everything.

This season of soccer was not full of winning every game, but Ab had a great coach who taught the team how to play within their positions and together as a team. She really learned a ton. Ab was also able to be on the same team as some of her good friends from school, so that made everything even better!

#6 in the ever fashionable pink cleats

Blair "helping" Ab at Goalkeeper.  I'm not sure he could get any closer.

A well-deserved break.

Ab with her team and good friends Rachel and Abby D.

Ab earning her medal at the team medal ceremony (Abby was thrilled because the medal was "Made in China")

We can't wait for next year!

Mother's Day.

I've read several posts, and heard several mothers complaining of their hatred of Mother's Day.

I don't get it.  I love it.

Maybe I'm not humble and service-oriented enough; I quite enjoy a day of being spoiled and appreciated.

That, or those mothers did not wake up to this:

A nice blue can of coke.

Vanilla Bean Cheesecake with extra whipping cream.

A picturesque beach view.

That cute Ab of mine sure knows how to please her mother.

(These were left on my decorated door).

I also got to share a delicious breakfast with roses and the "fancy" plates.

It was lovely, and I am not ashamed to admit that I loved every single second of it.

Turkey Hunt

To those of you who are visiting this blog for words of encouragement and wisdom from my beautiful and intelligent wife you are about to be sorely dissapointed.  This entry is a brief review of the animals once living that I recently made dead !  Last month I was invited to go to Texas for the Spring Turkey Hunt with the fellas. We ate like kings, used bad language and killed innocent animals. It was awesome !  I hope to make this precious man time an annual habit, sorry Jenny !

Good Things.

I have way cooler things to post about (Mother's Day, Deak's party, Ab's soccer), but that requires having time at home to download pictures and type. Quite frankly, by the time I have time to do that at home, it is around 9:30 and I don't really want to anymore. That is the time I like to sit/lie, eat junk food and watch my never-ending catch-up of favorite TV shows on my tivo.

So...better posts are coming.

But, not right now.

Right now I am sharing good news.

1.  I've eaten three cupcakes in twelve hours.  Good ones too (from the Sweet Tooth Bakery). If one has to drive to Riverton (2 hour total drive) to see a doctor, one must be rewarded.

2.  Deak has had a liver ultrasound and met with a fabulous (seriously loved him) Pediatric GI specialist.  The liver ultrasound was clear for tumors (my biggest fear)...Yay!! The liver enzymes are still elevated, but not comparable to the extreme amount of elevation seen the past two weeks.  This leads the doctor to believe Deak got some strange viral illness that severely affected his liver functioning. Do we know what it is? No. Probably never will. Do we know if it will happen again? No...probably never will be able to guess. Mr. Deak leaves lots of variables open for us, and that's okay. I'm just so relieved things seems to be looking better.  They will draw more blood again (yes, he gets blood drawn A LOT) in a month to check his enzymes.  If they are still elevated, they will do a liver biopsy. 

My bet is on Deak...I feel he will be fine.

3.  Sometimes I do such a good job of recognizing every milestone Deak hits, and I neglect to mention that my Abby hits some pretty cool ones too. Abby usually accepts this and understands how hard Deak works to get to where he's going...but, for this second I want to recognize her.  Ab has blossomed this year in so many ways; they are truly countless. Academics have become a priority to her, and she works really hard to make sure that she learning well.  You'd be surprised to find what one learns in second grade now; Ab can solve for variables, do fractions, and read/comprehend just about any book on the market.  We got some testing back yesterday which indicated Abby is reading (fluently) at a sixth grade level.  Pretty.Stinking.Cool.  She is a proud girl, and I am an overwhelmingly proud mother.

4. WOW!!!! I have been blindsided by the onslaught of generosity from my friends and family who have participated in the fundraiser I mentioned about a month ago for Deak.  I have felt your prayers, and believe they have helped carry Deak and my family through a difficult few weeks.  Each time I've opened the mailbox and found a card, I've not been able to fight back the tears. Your kind words have touched my heart in ways that you will never know. Each donation has been significant. I will be sending personal notes to you all, but I wanted to publicly share my deepest, deepest thanks. I love every single one of you.

So happy to be on the bright side of things this morning, I hope you all are too.

Off to finish my breakfast of a half-eaten blueberry cupcake, and diet coke.

(Now...that's a good breakfast.)

A Peek.

Handsome. Crawling. Walking. Big. Happy.

We celebrated this life of my miracle boy with a Muno party, bowling, and a slight (by slight I mean not so slight) brawl.

But...what's a party without a little drama?  Not a good one.

I couldn't be more blessed.

Love you baby boy.

(More pictures to come.)

Dear Mom,

I am beginning to understand heartache.
Not always the type of heartache that hurts bad, but also the kind that hurts good; because real love does both.
You've taught me that.
At times over these past years, I've felt like my life has been hard.  I've even felt like I've had more than my fair share of hard stuff..and it is high time someone paved an easy street road with my name on it.
But, then I think of you.
I've seen you make it..make it through some really tough stuff...over and over and over again.
People often comment to me, especially during times of challenges with Deak, "Wow...you must be really strong."
I consistently have the same thought, "No, I just do it."
Because, that's what you do. 
You fight through it, lose some sleep in the process, but you make it.
I am just at the beginning of my journey into motherhood; the sarcastic eye rolls and sleepless nights haven't yet compared to yours.
But, I am beginning to understand.
An understanding of the depth of love and strength it will take to get my babies to the place you have been able to get me to.
And, I know...I do a terrible job of recognizing your role in my life on a daily basis.
But, it is there...and I am here...just because of your example.
Happy Mother's Day.
Love,
Jenny

Highs and Lows.

Life is full of them. 
(At least that is what I keep trying to say to myself.)
When I went into the field of psychology ten or so years ago, I began working with youth who were involved in the secure care correctional system.  I co-lead a group for youth recovering from serious drug and alcohol problems, and we always began by sharing a high and a low for the week.  Although it sounds simple, it can be a pretty powerful technique for kids who are not typically used to looking for anything positive in their lives.  Sometimes the high was quite simply, Being Alive.
I've continued to use the exercise as an ice-breaker in the groups I run with elementary students, and have been overjoyed at the weeks I have to stop them from sharing too many highs. It makes me happy to remember times when the "Highs" way outnumbered the lows.

I've put off posting/talking/etc...because I don't want to sound negative.  I don't want to feel negative. I am working really hard at focusing on my highs (of which there are an abundant amount) and choosing to let the negative simmer quietly inside my heart.  So, in doing this post, before discussing anything stressful, I am choosing to list a high first.  I'm hopeful it will help my heart and evil irrational brain process life a little more clearly.

High:
Abby rocks. 
She just does. She conquered her back handspring on the mat at cheer with no spot, and has re-entered her role as flyer (which scares the living daylight out of her mother).  She has spent hours in preparation for Deak's upcoming birthday and has already bought (with her own money) and wrapped his gifts (They are currently in position on the fireplace).  She made me a card on Monday that said, "You are a nice mom."  It made me cry.  Many of you may get these types of notes often from your kiddos, but Ab chooses not to overuse emotional sentiments...so I knew this was from her heart. 

Low:
There are not enough hours in the day. 
Between work, doctors appointments and driving, I barely have time to breath and pee. I have such good intentions and try so hard to be over-ambitious and accomplish 510 things...but, it's so not working out.  I just can't do it all.

High:
Mother's intuition is real.
Listen to it. It will never, ever, fail you.

Low:
Mother's intuition sometimes leads to stressful consequences.
We have been presented with a new Deak issue.  Last week, something was "off" about him. He wasn't terribly sick, but he wasn't himself; his eyes began showing some strange neurological signs (nystagmus) that haven't appeared since he was a newborn, and he was just very tired. After five or so days of waiting and "watching" I decided to take him to our pediatrician on Monday. 

High:
Our pediatrician is sent from Heaven.
He is kind, gentle, generous and extremely thorough - especially with Deak.

Low:
Thorough typically means tests and eventual results.
Poor Deak.  His veins are terrible and tiny.  Our doctor, whom I love as if he were family, chooses to draw blood from the veins in his skull....and it is just horrific to watch.  There are less nerve endings in the head, than in the arm or hand - but it looks just as awful as it sounds, and it sure as hell doesn't feel good. Deak has now had to have blood drawn four times this week (from his head), and the last one has left me with blood on my hands, and countless kicks to my stomach. This has been the only time I've had to peel Deak off me, screaming and yelling for me...and the only time I've teared up on a blood draw to date.
It killed me.
I tried to tell Deak how strong and brave he was as I held him on the way out to the car.
I didn't make it.

High:
Of all the organs, I've decided the liver is the most expendable.
(I wouldn't call this a medical fact.)

Low:
The liver can still cause some problems.
We've discovered Deak's liver enzymes (both types) are extremely high.
By extremely high, I actually mean this:
Normal 10-48
Deak 1100 and 1200 respectively.
The doctor and nurse have said they have never seen a level that high in their career.
Dang Deak and his over achieving odds.
As of now, we do not know why...more tests are being ran...and ran...and ran...
But, we know it's not Mono or any of the Hepatitis's.
Which is good.
The levels have been re-tested today in the slim hope that possibly the lab made an error, and to see if there have been any change in two days, but sadly our doctor and I both know this is most likely not the case.
So...the search is on to discover why Deak's little ring chromosome has decided to make an appearance in his liver.

...and that is all for now. My list of highs/lows could go on a bit more...but, I'm trying to focus on one stress-inducing event at a time. 
It's all about balance, right?