Mother of the Freaking Year.

For any of you who may be interested in competing in the Mother of Year competition...bow out gracefully now. I've been racking up points all over the place this week, and I am sure I've got the trophy in the bag.
*I literally served my family canned chili, and called it dinner. (Don't judge...I gave them Frito's for the top).
*I've apparently been very active in my promotion of Housekeeping. Abby noticed me dusting off a ceiling fan (completely out of necessity...the gray dust bunnies were interrupting my sleep) and said, "Mom, just make Luvia (our housekeeper) do that."
*And...the icing on the cake...
Abby has thrown a fit the past two mornings when she was told to wear her Winter coat. When I say "fit" I really mean...acting like a schizophrenic psychopath who hasn't had meds in fifteen years. This morning the rage began, and rather than matching the rage and unmedicated anger...I opted for creativity. I told her to go sit on the back deck for five minutes (at 7:15...it was still dark), if she was still warm at the end of five minutes, she could go coatless. It got better when after about thirty seconds, she tried to come in, and I heard Blair say, "Hey...get back out there. Your five minutes aren't up."
Approximately five minutes later she came and asked me to zip and button her coat.
I kinda wanted a pat on the back.
The trophy is mine suckers.

Positivity.

You know it's a bad day when you type, "Positive Quotes" into google.
It just is not a good sign.
I've got much to be happy about. Really. I do recognize that.
But, I am not feeling it today.

During my very productive google search, I stumbled across this quote...

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." (Thomas Edison)

Crap.
I was kinda hoping I didn't have to work and my positive quote search would lead me to an answer about an awesome opportunity landing in my lap.

Guess I"ll go back to work.

The Great Outdoors (or as close to it as we typically get).

(The first fish in Ab's life...a $5 Dollar one might I add)

Fishing...

Ab has been begging to "go fishing" for the past year or two. Since, we are terrible Utah people and do not own a tent/stove/fishing pole/four wheeler/camper trailer...etc... we have not gotten around to fulfilling this ever so demanding request.

But, yesterday we did -Thanks to some friends, the MOST beautiful day, and a trout farm.

I was a bit skeptical, but really, this place was a blast. Deak got a kick out of watching the fish jump up and down, and I think would've even been content to hang out there longer than a couple of hours (which should be considered a miracle). Ab was in heaven. She got the hang of it really quick, and kept catching fish...a little too much. She has not stopped talking about it since yesterday. Maybe I need to buy her some Patagonia.

(Deak liked touching them, and wanted to jump in and become one with the trout...several times. It was one of those days I was glad for a minute he can't yet walk.)

This is a place we will go often...mostly because it contains an outdoor activity alongside a Pepsi machine. Gotta love the Outdoors.

We love UEA.

I don't really understand why we have UEA (Fall break), but I love it. Especially this year. I just truly enjoyed every moment I had to spend with my kids. We are making a tradition out of going to the see the "Witches" at Gardner Village, and honestly, it is the best place to start the Holiday season. So much fun.

(Ignore the absolutely horrendous display of roots...I have since gone to the Salon/Nikki's.)

I also took the kids to Dinosaur Park. It was so beautiful and peaceful. But, I am nearly positive I was the only one there not wearing my Patagonia fleece and Columbia pants. We had to make a stop at Farr's afterwards...a first for Abs and Deak.

Real Life.

You know that song from Les Mis...the one that begins with the line of, "I had a dream of days gone by..." or something like that. The line of that song has lingered in my head for the past day or so, only to be rudely interrupted by a human figure strangely inspired by Kanye West, who enters onto the scene screaming, "Ha SUCKER!!!"
(I know, I have weird thoughts. Especially when I don't sleep.)
But, it also happens to be an oddly accurate depiction of how I have been feeling.
I like control. My dreams involve everything working as my brain has organized, in an orderly and productive fashion. I set out my kid's clothes the night before, I write lists and notes to myself, I use online bill pay...yada yada. All the things that are supposed to help my life stay streamlined. Like I said...I had a dream...I have learned it just doesn't happen. Real life is different. Dreams of a perfectly organized life are for suckers.
Real life includes, but is certainly not limited to:
*Bathing your son at two in the morning because his limited verbal skills said that might work.
*When that didn't work, and the screaming ensued, we watched the new Family episode of Gabba Gabba.
*Actually I have been rather excited about this week's new Gabba Gabba episodes on Nick. I have seen the others more than any human on this earth should ever have to. Please do not be surprised if you see me sporting an orange jumpsuit, waving my arms, and screaming, "It's dancy dance time."
*Drinking diet coke number three by 9:00am to try to compensate for said lack of sleep.
*Driving to work the past two days ...only to realize you have left important medication and/or lesson plans on the dining room table. Did I mention I have done this twice?
*After getting your son to bed at 2:30 (after baths, food, and gabba viewing), you are kindly awakened at 3:00 by your daughter saying she has had a nightmare that her babysitter turned into a witch. Followed up with her climbing into bed with me, and another 5:00am wake up call by her brother.
*The 5:00am wake up call inspired some precious conversation between the husband and I, and may or may not have included..."You better get the *** up for this one. I am freaking done." That followed up with, "Wow. You don't have to be so crazy about it." Ummm...yes I did.

...and this was just last night.
How's that for real.

Lift.

Dear Ab,
Someday, when you are older, you might read this random collection of thoughts I have written. You will probably think I belonged in a nuthouse most days.
You will probably be right.
But, today...I want you to know, you are my everything.
Today was hard for me. My anxiety level has been through the roof with Deak being sick, and frankly today I wanted to pretend I didn't exist...just for a minute. I wanted to escape, and be sad, and feel hopeless.
You knew I needed space, and gave it to me. You were kind, helpful and responsible for yourself.
And then...after my mood had improved some, you told me you had spent the past hour or so cleaning your toy room. Spotless. You knew that would be the one thing that could lift me out of the hole I had put myself in.
It's all I needed.
And, even though you don't know now, it wasn't the clean room that made me tear up.
It was you.
Your sincere and thoughtful act of love for a mopey mom.
You may doubt lots of things in your life, but never doubt me.
You are so loved baby girl.
Love,
Mom

A Not So Kind Reminder...

I am actually attempting to load some really cute pictures, from a really fun weekend, and my computer is being lame. So, I am forced to vent about the horrible experience we have had this week.

My poor Deak.
Sometimes I am so clearly (as in slapped in the face with a board) reminded that his beautiful little body just doesn't always work the same way most do. Blame it on the ring chromosome, or missing genetic material, or whatever...but, this boy sometimes just gets hit too hard.
I took my kids in to get their seasonal flu vaccines on Tuesday afternoon. I admittedly have fallen into the media induced panic, and have had major anxiety about both of my kids getting sick. That was my first problem; no more news for me.
My instincts said "NO," in fact, they screamed it. Blair wasn't sure if it was a good idea for Deak, and I didn't listen. I made the choice to give him the vaccine with the hope that his body and lungs had developed enough the past couple of years, to not warrant a severe reaction. That was problem number two; I didn't listen: to myself, or Blair.
Deak has had severe reactions to vaccines in the past. Our wonderful, wonderful pediatrician suggested we take them "slow" with Deak, and NEVER gave him any shots if he was even slightly sick (even though you are supposedly safe doing so). After Deak had been hospitalized with his beyond low oxygen levels when he was five months old, we took every preventative measure possible to keep his lungs clear of any respiratory infections. This included getting a $1500 (our portion was $750) shot EVERY month through the Winter to help develop antibodies against RSV. Well, long story short, Deak still got RSV...and proceeded to get it again for at least a week every month right after being injected with the supposed "dead" vaccine. Our doctor couldn't really explain it, and neither could we...but, we had had enough and made the joint decision to discontinue the shots.
The following year (last year) I opted not to get the flu shot for Deak. He had had them as a baby, and I remembered how he had reacted poorly...(although I didn't remember enough).
That brings us to this year, and Deak is terribly sick.
I am not an idiot (although debatable at times)...I know that technically he cannot get the "flu" from a partially dead injection (although his pediatrician did inform me yesterday that even the injection does contain a small portion of the "live" virus). But, here he is, lying on the floor in his little make-shift bed with what I would call "Influenza A." He has been sick for about 36 hours now; high fever, lethargy, moaning whenever he moves (which I assume to be body aches), coughing, congestion, and overall crappiness. He was perfectly HEALTHY 36 hours ago.

I called our pediatrician again today, and they explained that because Deak is Deak...he just tolerates vaccines differently. His body has basically gone into overdrive trying to protect itself from the flu virus I so willingly subjected it to a few days ago. He is not contagious...he is just fighting a virus that in my opinion, he should have never been given.
Ab received the Flumist ''live" vaccine and has been completely fine.
So, how does one know when their child will be "fine" or desperately sick?
I am tired of the guessing game, and not happy that Deak falls into the 1% category or whatever of people who react this way. I cannot imagine for one second what parents who feel vaccines changed their child in such a way that they became Autistic, feel like. I empathize with them. My heart hurts for them.

Will I participate in the H1N1 vaccine?
Hell no.
But, it's okay if you do. It's just not right for Deak.

GNO

I love surprises.

One of my favorite memories from childhood is a time that my parents surprised my sisters and I with a trip to Disneyland. We were completely clueless until we drove inside the gates.

Blair and I decided it would be fun to surprise Ab with a Mommy/Daughter date to Miley Cyrus. We have known now for almost four months, and the suspense had been killing me. The morning of the concert I woke up at 4:00 and felt like a kid on Christmas morning.

On the way home from school I told her that I had something fun planned and we played a guessing game. Ab was stunned-in her cute, contemplative one-eyed look kind of way.

It was Abby's first concert, so I don't think she knew quite what it would entail. Abby asked me to curl her hair, and we headed out an hour later.

Miley rocked. She really does put on a great show. She had the flu, but I was really impressed with her ability to perform. Her brother (Lead singer of Metro Station) was a weirdo though. Abby wondered why anyone would want his sweaty shirt that he took off and threw into the crowd.

Ab has never been the screaming, jumping around, sing at the top of your lungs kind-of girl...so, I didn't expect much in that department. But, it was fun to see her light up and dance around. I'd even dare to say it was worth the $40 tee-shirt and $10 glow stick. Such a fun night to be a mom to a daughter...and a great excuse to see a good show.